He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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