So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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