new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
