im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my liver is dry heaving
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
