i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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