my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
