When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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