I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
