Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
