Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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