I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
