Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
