You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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