I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
