I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
