I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
