I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
