Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
