im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
