Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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