its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
