i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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