You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
