my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
