I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
