I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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