Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
