Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
