the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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