I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
