Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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