so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
