I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
