Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
