its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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