Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
