i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
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Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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