If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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