that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You're like the curious george of whores
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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