im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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