you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize