I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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