If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
