Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
