Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
