ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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