We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
