My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
