im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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