i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
