We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
