now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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