I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
