Im at strip club and am horny
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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