Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
