can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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