there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
