I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
