My sheets look like a crime scene.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
