you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
