i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
