i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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