Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
