Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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