I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
