It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
