What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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