Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
