Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
