like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
